Dear my dearest, darling little brother,

I would be fine if you were gay.  I would even be alright if you proclaimed you were transexual.  If you suddenly announced that you were moving to Tahiti to be a panhandler with your Hell's Angel girlfriend, I would not stutter in surprise.

But pleaseto be keeping your UNEXPECTED BUSH SUPPORTER IS UNEXPECTED thoughts to yourself.  They will cause me to walk into the wall.

All my love, 
Your newly concussed sister

I was a little confused why you seemed to think light controlled time, and that going through a black hole would send you back in time. I've taken a great many Physics and Astronomy courses, so I was pretty certain going through a black hole would just get you ripped into individual atoms. I am always up for intellectual debate though, and because no one really knows what goes on in a black hole, I thought we'd have a good discussion.

I did not expect to be told that I was obviously crazy, or lying, or both, and that I should be ashamed for shunning the "spirit". That same Spirit who possessed you several times, and apparently knows everything that I know, only better.

As convincing as your derogatory rants and incoherent babbling were, I'm afraid I'm going to have to vote no on letting you into my program. No matter how much you insist that "of course light controls time, otherwise, why would we use sundials?", it will not change the fact that you are immature.

Take a chill pill, and relax. Debate does not mean scream insults at the other person. Come back to college when you can accept that.

All my love,
Fred

P.S.- We tell time with sundials because the sun moves, and casts shadows in different places, depending on what time of day it is, darling. Not because the light is somehow changing time. I don't even know how that would work.

I was forced to watch Transamerica earlier tonight. I cried like a baby, and then some.

It distresses me that I cannot find fic for this movie. You can't leave me hanging here! I have a genuine, medical NEED for something cute and fluffy (and possibly involving recreational drug use/talking about the Horrors Of The Past, I am not picky). I need something to offset the pain of this movie's end.

I also would maybe like to see Bree/Toby fic. LOOK, I NEVER CLAIMED I WAS STABLE, OKAY?

So you see this car?  



This is a Mercedes S-Class 550 Sedan, and it is a very nice car.  Very, very nice.  It starts at about $91,225.  That's the same price as this house, right here.



It's a very nice car. A very nice car that I just tried to carjack outside a Barnes and Noble.

(I'm so very sorry sir.  Your car is beautiful, and I apologize that I'm car-illiterate and mistook it for my piece-of-crap Audi.  Please don't press charges - I wouldn't last long in prison, for I have no upper body strength and the confidence of a spooked armadillo.)

SO, the Roommate is ill.  Bronchitus and some sort of infection - I swear, she doesn't do anything by halves.  Anyway, because I have to interpret all the oddities of my life as disease (Once, when I was like, seven, I decided that I was actually a split personality and my alter ego was anorexic.  I guess because I wasn't hungry?  idek), I've decided that her sickness clearly means that I am dieing.

Okay, so I don't feel sick.  Or dead.  But I am bizarrely tired (not so bizarrely - I only slept like six hours last night and the night before) and I have sporadic torrents of blood rushing from my nose and.  Um.  My feet are turning yellow.  

What kind of retarded disease would that be?  Who even knows.  But obviously, the only cure is comfort ice cream and tv.

If I do end up dieing, you're all getting letters from justincaseidie.com, and I regret nothing. 

Seriously, I am totally more interesting that any cop drama or soap opera or reality "watch idiots be idiotic" show.  And if I'm not, I could totally lie my ass off to millions of people and not lose a wink of sleep.  Just FYI Hollywood producers.

So, an update in the life of me, handily bullet pointed for your convienence:

• While I had previously assumed Computer Sciences would be complicated and fly right over my head, like all my other classes this semester, it is actually tons of fun.  HTML makes my heart beat a little faster.  Maybe I should change my career path somewhat - I'll be an alien-crime-fighting, flute-playing, literary genius Astrobiologist/Physicist who uses MATH to solve PROBLEMS for the FBI, can sharpshoot and write computer programs.  That's a totally legitimate career path, right?  
• I had also assumed Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy would be complicated and fly right over my head, but it turns out that not only is that true, but it spontaneously spouted a rocket pack that utalizes anti-matter to reach speed-of-light velocity and has already set up an advanced civilization of eukaryotes on Gliese 581 d.  An advanced civilization called "Let's Screw Coco's GPA".  
• On the upside, we dissected the shit out of some shit in the very first lab, which almost makes up for speaking entirely in words I don't know.
• The Internet in the dorm hates us.  And by us, I mean me, and by hates, I mean Internet totally gave "Let's Screw Coco's GPA" H-bombs.
• My nose keeps randomly spurting blood.  It's as if my cranial cavity decided "DANGER DANGER MUST EVACUATE ALL BLOOD STAT".  
• OH SHI- I broke the pattern.  Um um um.  I should finish up  with two good things about my life and then go watch Fringe with the Roommate to make up for it.
• Speaking of the Roommate, I recently found out she has a LJ too!  But she hasn't mentioned me yet, at all.  You should go harrass her about it at noblepeg.
• I have an autographed picture of Chad Micheal Murray, and he doesn't even look completely like a hooker.  Just mostly like one.
   

This is. Um. Stream-of-conciousness, wrod spew.

Twilight, stream-of-conciousness, word spew.

Because I happen to be really, really fond of Jacob, and if you take Twilight seriously (which I try not to do more than once a week), he really got kicked in the ass.

Actually, it's been said before, but I think the Twilight series would be a fascinatining series if told from a more serious point-of view. I love me some mindless romance, but I also love anti-heros and angst and fucked-up horror stories. I wish we'd gotten that from Twilight instead.

Anyway, here you go. First person, Jacob angst. Be warned.


( It's not fair. It's never fair. )

No, I'm not dead. Yet.

I am, however, posting ridiculous pictures of me and my friends being ridiculous during our Halloween party. We dressed up as the Cullens. Notice how Bella is the only one not wearing black. I expected it of Rosalie (who is not pictured with blonde hair. Oops?), but I'm rather ashamed at Alice. It was a somber wedding, after which Edward cheated on Bella with every single girl in our all-girls dorm, including his sisters (adoptive sisters, which makes it okay), and Bella ran off to Vegas with Jesus and Flava Flav.

Don't judge us, okay?



And yes, we were wearing sparkle face paint.  Come on, like we could leave that out?  And I've decided that Edward's suit is the comfiest thing I have ever purchased ever, and I'm never taking it off.  The best part, of course, was that all four outfits?  Didn't cost us more than eighty dollars, I swear.  Wedding rings and all.

Wow, uh...yea.  I completely forgot I had this.  I can't even remember when I last updated...like in March or April.  It's only...NINE MONTHS.  I've been known for worse.

Not that that is something I should be proud of or anything.  I kind of am though.  I mean, wow, nine months.  Hahaha.

A lot has happened.  I mean, like, a lot.  I got over my crush on my ex-boyfriend, which was good because I was disgusting myself with how pathetic I was.  I also got to go to Germany for a year!  Yay!  So yea...visiting relatives and going to German school.  It's awesomely lax in security.  Plus we get recess again, how cool is that?  Ah, recess, how much I missed ye. 

And, hmm.  What else.  I kind of got to chapter six in my novel before I...gave up.  Well.  In everything but name.  Supposedly I am waiting for inspiration.  Really, I just have issues with finishing things if people don't get on my ass about them. 

In other news, it's NEW YEARS EVE!  Whee!  I love this time of year.  We got to celebrate the special-tastic German way this year, which means we invited over an assload of people to watch a twenty minute short film (in English, which is good, because I still can't speak German) and set off fireworks.  And it snowed.  I love snow!  It's so fun! 

Plus people missed me a lot and sent me tons of shit for Christmas this year.  Hahaha, I think I need to leave for long periods of time more often. 

Other than that, I don't really know.  I kind of lost the fanfiction scene, although you wouldn't know that I was even in that because I don't believe I've ever posted fanfiction here.  That'll have to be rectified.  But yea.  I used to be exclusively Harry Potter, but after the movies stole my soul and kicked me in the ass, I gave it up.  And I wrote one (1) piece of Covenant fanfiction which was more me fangirling obsessively about Caleb than actual story. 

But then I met the X-Men fandom and doodled out some random Rogue fanfictions.  Like, three of them.  And I don't even like her.  >->

And ummm...I have a cold.  Yea, I have nothing else to talk about.  So....yup.  Happy New Years.

Okay, I realize things may have been a bit confusing because I posted a random oneshot instead of the promised first chapter of my story, but I still have no clue how to make it so that you only see a hyperlink to a chapter. I am going to screw around a little on here though and see what I can come up with.

Well, here is the mammoth of my first chapter. It is a full 17 pages in word. Unfortuntely, I don't have a clue how to put it on here without putting it directly on the post. Help?

ETA: Nevamind. LJ Cuts are nifty little buggers, ain't they?